Chipotle Lasagne

Lasagne (and I won't stand for this Lasagna nonsense, pal) is one of those Italian dishes, like watery Spag Bol or poorly executed Caprese (spinach instead of basil; bendy Government Cheese instead of pillowy mozzarella; greenhouse grown, all flesh and no juice, never-ripening, gym class sick note tomatoes), that has found its way into the catholic vernacular of every corner of the indiscriminately hungry earth.

But, rather than use the above rant as a platform for providing a Reference Lasagne, should such a thing even exist, I shall use it as an excuse to expand on the canon with this delicious, super-cheesy heresy:

Spicy Chipotle Cheese Lasagne (serves 5 drawstring pants attired gluttons)

This recipe uses the chipotle chili, which is a smoke-dried jalapeño. You could conceivably substitute in smoked serrano or habanero chilies, but fresh or unsmoked chili won't give the same results. It also has a layer of unadulterated cheese for added unctuousness,or Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhness as Homer Simpson would say.

First, get cracking on your Ragù (enough for 6 cups):

In a heavy based saucepan, sweat 1 finely chopped onion and 3 chopped cloves of garlic until the mixture begins to colour. Add 2 each of finely chopped carrots and celery sticks. The dice should be the size of match heads or smaller. If you have neither the patience nor the coordination required to finely chop these, then shred in a food processor. You don't want lumpy sauce, do you?

Add 2 whole chipotle chiles, and cook uncovered over a medium heat, stirring regularly, until the vegetable mix begins to soften. Now add 500g pork or veal mince and stir to break up. Add 100g diced smoked pancetta/streaky bacon/smoked pork and stir through. Allow to colour before you add 2 tablespoons of tomato paste, a glass of milk, a glass of red plonk, a tin of chopped tomatoes, 1 cinnamon stick, 1 star anise (or a pinch of Chinese 5 spice powder), half a teaspoon of coarse salt and a couple of grinds of pepper.

Bring this unholy stew to a gentle boil then turn down the heat until it just bubbles, put on a lid and cook for 90 minutes, stirring occasionally. Allow it to cook uncovered for the last 20 minutes to reduce and thicken slightly. Discard the cinnamon and star anise, and taste for seasoning. It should be punchy.

Now, bring your considerable attention to bear on the Béchamel (enough for 4 cups):

Pour 700ml milk into a saucepan. Add a fingerwidth slice of onion, 1 piece of mace, 8 whole peppercorns and a couple of bay leaves. Bring slowly to a simmer, stirring regularly to stop the milk catching. Drain through a sieve, keeping the milk and discarding the other bits. Now, in a heavy saucepan, melt 50g butter, add 40g plain flour, and stir well to form a paste. Now add a little milk, and stir to incorporate with a wooden spoon or silicone spatula. Repeat this process until the mixture starts to loosen, then switch from a spoon to a balloon whisk and add milk , whisking constantly, to achieve a smooth, silky sauce. Add a pinch of salt. Allow to cook on a low heat for 5 minutes until thickened slightly and almost simmering. Take off the heat and pour into a jug if you'd like – it will make dispensing easier once you assemble the lasagne.

To assemble, coat a deep oven-proof casserole dish with a thin layer of ragù, then add a layer of "no pre-cook" lasagne pasta. Repeat with another thin smear of ragù, a thin layer of béchamel, then another layer of pasta, perpendicular to the last layer. Now a little more ragù, and then a layer of provolone or similar smoked cheese (in Hungary I use the prosaically monikered Cheeseland Smoked Sajt), cut into thickish slices. This will give a lovely, smoky, oozing layer to the finished dish. Now more pasta, ragù and béchamel, ending with a layer of béchamel atop a layer of pasta. Aim for 4/5 layers of pasta if you can make the ingredients stretch this far. Sprinkle with a large handful of grated strong cheddar, and pop into an oven pre-heated to 200°C for around 35 minutes. Keep covered with foil initially, but allow the top to brown for the last 10 minutes. Cool for 10 minutes before slicing and serving. A simple green salad and a nice fruity, lively Italian red wine are the best partners.

Disclaimer: I'm well aware that the pictured lasagne looks all forlorn huddled against the far edge of the plate, but I was leaving space for eatyergreens.